Hi guys and gals,
This is a bit of a less upbeat post for me and I definitely feel a little bit like I’m in a Youtube scandal right now with this post’s title, but I think this is a pretty important thing for me to talk about because even though I don’t think its something widely discussed, I think a lot of people do go through it.
Female friendships are so, so, so important. That’s not to dismiss any bromances or guy and gal besties out there, but the feeling of girls supporting girls is such an important thing for all women, young and old, to experience. But, I don’t think I’m the first to admit that friendships can sometimes be really hard to maintain, especially in the move between schools and uni. It goes without saying that I have learnt so much from both my successful and failed friendships. Gal pals are the best, especially when those friendships are more like sisterhoods – it’s such a good feeling to know someone has your back, regardless of whether it’s because you have the same swimsuit or just share that same rockin’ ancestral tie to Eve. But I’d never really considered, until this post, what causes a failed friendship. There are the simple things, like drifting apart and disagreements about pizza toppings but then there’s the much harder reality which some of us have to face that it’s our own actions that can cause friendships to fall apart. To quote someone close to me, “some people are just dicks” and while these people might be those who we consider to break up these friendships, at times it’s necessary (and very hard) to come to terms with the fact that maybe you’re the dick.
That’s kinda me right now.
Without wanting to sound like I’m making any excuses for myself or others, 90% of the time female friendships are the greatest, but then there’s that 10% which is a minefield of nasty comments and really bad choices which can be pretty detrimental to any friendship, regardless of anyone’s gender. I am holding up my hand to admit that I have 100% been in that minefield myself in the past and I still seriously regret ever having stepped foot in it. If we’re all going to be completely honest, I’m pretty sure a fair few guys or gals have entered that terror zone before, but still, from the bottom of my heart, if I played a part in causing our friendship to fall apart, I am truly sorry.
Over the past year, I’ve really been reflecting on this nightmare zone of friendships, where claws can come out and things can get pretty blummin’ nasty, and I’ve definitely started viewing it as a MINDfield because at the end of the day everyone’s actions pop straight out of their noggin’ … but if it’s a particularly bad day there’s no assuring they’re going to be good choices.
For instance, several years ago I watched a video from a Youtuber I very strongly admired. They said that if someone in your life isn’t making you happy then it’s okay and entirely within your right to cut them out of it. This was an ethos that I carried at the back of my mind up until around the end of 2017. Once again, this is entirely my fault, but I’d like to think I’ve grown … even just a little since then. This was definitely a MINDfield thing, a statement that got so ingrained into my head that I thought it was gospel, which is just insane to me now because it is clearly so glaringly wrong to me now. You cannot expect your friends to maintain your happiness. That’s madness. You also cannot expect to always get along with your friends. That is equally just as mad. But it’s the same thing with a ‘bitchy comment’, they can become so ingrained into your peripheral vision that it is near impossible to see past them so all of your actions are driven by this one thing which could be minuscule.
One of the main things I’ve learnt over the past few years is that if you face a disagreement with your friend, talk to them about it. It sounds blatantly obvious, but when you’re in this mindfield (regardless of whether a gal has simply said she doesn’t like your new haircut or has said something genuinely quite hurtful towards you) it’s so important to push past any desires to hold a grudge or pull out the silent treatment, because that is never going to resolve what has been said. Something I tend to tell people if I see them having a disagreement is that it takes less effort to not say something than to say something that is cruel. However, as a tag onto this, I should also say that it takes so much more effort to not say something than to say something nice. Obviously, if you are going to speak to someone, do not go in on the attack, neither party is going to love that and if you can’t say something nice, that is entirely understandable, but at least speak to the person. Like I said before, female friendships are such precious things to have so don’t allow yourself to throw them away because they’re all so unique and important.
Of course, there is always that crux in some friendships in which you both acknowledge the separate paths you walk on and part ways but, I cannot stress this enough, do not part ways on bad terms. Much like people fall out of love, people can undeniably fall out of friendships. Whether it’s that you don’t like the way your fellow gal slurps spaghetti, or how she insistently wears odd socks or that you’ve had a hard-hitting disagreement (admittedly the first two are pretty daft reasons), I can assure you that 99% of the time ending a friendship on a sour note isn’t ever going to feel sweet. There is also the case that maybe you’re both entirely in the wrong and so the friendship is ended simultaneously. I’m not here to say whether or not you should seek out that person, regardless of how long it’s been, to fix this issue. But, what I can say is that if you have played a part in causing issues with a friend, or friends, owning up to it is the best thing you can do.
If none of these people are you and you have sparkly, glitter stickered female friendships all round, then of course keep up whatever you’re doing, but also just take an extra moment out of your day to appreciate your fellow ladies. Buy them a Starbucks, send them a loving text spam or give em’ a smooch – whatever it is that’s going to put a smile on both your chops. I, of course, will be continuing trying my very hardest to practice what I preach, because I for one want to look back on my friendships with even the smallest smile on my face if I can, regardless of their endings. For any nosey nellies (I am also one of you so I entirely understand the desire for gossip), this post wasn’t brought about by any wild scandal or killings of any spaghetti slurping pals of mine. I’ve been thinking about writing this post for a while now and didn’t know to do it … but here we are. My insta inbox is always open for anyone needing to offload about their own experiences.
Anyway, thank you for reading this if you’ve gotten this far, I promise my next post will be a lot more upbeat, I just wanted to put this out there in case anyone else had similarly gone through this in the past or was going through it now. And to my fellow female chums, I blummin’ love you, you’re the bomb dot diddly com.
Lots of love, hugs and happy reading,